i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
