Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
