he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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