omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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