i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
