We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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