i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
