4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
