Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
