New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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