I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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