i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
