Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
