she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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