I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
