Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
