I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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