textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
