how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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