It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize