whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
