He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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