she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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