Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i just had sex bonerless
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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