R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
