She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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