I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
