So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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