I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
