if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
from now on my penis is your penis
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
