Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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