When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
