Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
