can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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