I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
