hotel room ftw
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
