eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize