HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
