we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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