I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
