She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
