she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
