remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
