you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
