just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
