this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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