Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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