Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
