White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
