we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I am naked and annoyed.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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