So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
