Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
