allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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