at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
