Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you would pick up someone in the library
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Randomize
