So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
