I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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