i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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