Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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