omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
