You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
