We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So vagazzling was a success
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize