my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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