we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
My feet surprised me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
