i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
