All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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