Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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