I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize