He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
People in love make me want to vomit
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
