can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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