Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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